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Dance of the LunaticsDance of the lunatics
Lights up on stage with curtains drawn
Voice: Ladies and gentlemen, the patients of New Bedlam mental asylum will now, for your enjoyment, perform the traditional ballet
The music starts and the curtains are drawn. Numerous patients are stood on stage in tutus (or other silly looking dance gear, e.g. leotards). They proceed to dance to the music, doing traditional ballet movements, in a wooden, OTT manner, with cheesy grins on their faces.
After a while, various dancers begin to do their own thing, in a manner befitting a mental patient, such as hitting each other with things, and chewing on each other and harassing the audience (the artists can choose their own action for this) note: one must stand completely still and pick his nose.
Eventually, the music will begin to end, and the patients know that this is the end of the music, so will quickly reform, perform the last few steps of the dance, then pirouette offstage, again with cheesy grins.
Minion AuditionsMinion Auditions
by Adam Bakes
Devil is sat in chair in front of stage. Man walks onto stage and takes up position.
Devil: OK, when youre ready
Man: MUHAHAHAHAHAHA .
MUHAHAHAHAHAHA (goes on for several seconds)
Devil: Can you show me something else now please?
Man looks at him suspiciously
Man: MUHAHAHAHAHAHA (again, goes on for several seconds)
Devil: Yes, weve seen the laugh, now can .
Man (cutting him off) .MUHAHAHAHAHA
Devil: O . K
Devil: Well, he has the laugh, but wheres the malice? The inner torment? The spite? The heart?
Devil: Oh shut up NEXT
Laughing man walks offstage opposite from where he came in, looking upset. Another man walks onstage from the other side, carrying a puppet
The Devil looks intrigued at the puppet
Devil: Interesting, OK, in your own time
Puppeteer: Oh look Mr Snuffles, its Lucifer, say hello Mr Snuffles
The man puts the puppets head under his arm in mock s
Trouble at the DentistMan walks into a dentist surgery and walks up to the reception
Man: Hello there, I have an appointment
Receptionist: What name is it please?
Man: Erm Stooth, Lou Stooth
Receptionist: Well then Mr Stooth, if you just go and wait over there
she motions toward the waiting area
Receptionist: then youll be shown through in a moment
The man goes and sits down next to a senile old woman, who is shaking somewhat
Woman: So, ye be in need of a tooth doctor eh?
Lou: not really no im just here for my annual check-up
Woman: What dentist are ye seeing today?
Lou: I dont know, my previous one passed away several months ago, so I had to change recently
He takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and looks at it
Lou: Apparently his name is Dr Graves his first name is Doug
At this the woman starts cackling manically
Woman: Ye either be very brave or very stupid to be seeing him
The man looks at her sceptically
Lou: Why, whats he li
Spontanious Human CombustionSpontaneous Human Combustion
A boy and girl are sat next to each other having an argument. The girl is trying to occupy herself by reading a magazine. The boy is continually pestering her
Boy: Oh please!
Boy: Awwww, cmon
Girl: NO NO NO
Boy: Why not?
Girl: Why would you want me to do it?
Boy: Cos its cool
Girl: I am not spontaneously combusting for you, and thats final
Boy: Ill buy you a pack of bubble gum
Girl: The answers still no
Boy: Two packs?
Boy Its for s school project
Girl: A school project?
Girl: On spontaneous human combustion?
Girl: Thats the worst lie ive ever heard
Boy: Aw, cmon, what the problem?
Girl: Problem? There isnt a problem, I just dont want to do it
Boy: If you do it ill do it after
Girl: Why would you do it?
Boy: Why not?
Girl: And why would you doing it make a difference?
Boy: So you get to see me d
Club ErotiqueClub Erotique
Scene starts with a man getting dressed for a night out, putting on shirt (white or pink), trousers, and other smart articles, and greasing his hair back. This is all done to the music night fever. He then leaves the house, and starts to swagger down the street in a confident manner (it is night-time). All this time night fever plays in the background. Eventually, night fever begins to fade, and when it reaches silent, the man reaches his three friends waiting outside a pub.
1st man: Allright guys, whats up? Ready for a night on the town?
2nd man: Sure are
3rd man: Yep, i'm all ready
4th man: Well start here and have a few drinks, and then well move on to club Erotique
They all go into the pub. Inside the pub, they sit down at the bar, and the barkeeper walks over.
Barkeep: Whatll it be sirs?
1st man: Im buying lads
2nd, 3rd, 4th man: Good on ya, thanks, etc
2nd man: Ill have a pint
3rd man: Me
1420 MHzHe keeps a list wadded in the depths of his front, left pocket: where he holds his keys, and the forgotten/abandoned shell of a lone pistachio. The list is his biography, written in the shape of Argentine Spanish:
Me gustan los tomates en verano.
Yo amo a mi novio.
Nos besamos. (Mi novio chupa mis dedos de los pies.)
Las estrellas cantan sus canciones.
Mi nombre no es Eduardo.
Vivo con Jacobi ahora.
His pants are wadded, now, on summer-warmed hardwood; his shirt is draped over the back of a cane-back chair, the most incongruous of antiques in Jacobi’s tech-nerd lair. Headphones clamp his ears, and fill his head with the lisping whisper of interstellar hydrogen, broadcasting itself at a neat 1420 MHz. Bedroom is the wrong word for a place like this, despite the sorts of furnishings one might expect. There is a bed, a dresser, a bookshelf and two nightstands cramped with magazines, graphic novels. An alarm clock
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More